Thursday, June 2, 2011


today someone died.
it might of been a close friend or someone unknown.
you take friends for fun and games
not knowing that one day that friend will be gone.
then you realize how dear it was, the closeness,
the tears, the laughter, and those warm hugs of comfort.
today i want to tell you thank you for everything.
i know how dear your friendship was, i feel the closeness now,
i have those tears and i can still hear the laughter.
i'm sorry i can't feel your comfort anymore.
i'm sorry i waited to tell you thanks.

today i am remembering a loved one that i lost.  please don't wait to tell those you love, those that touch your very soul how much they mean to you.  as i wrote the words above many, many years ago they ring so deep today.  i am very grateful for those that are in my life today. 

i have had to make some very tough decisions lately and i know in the end my life will be better because of mY choices.  it's not easy to do a life cleanse but i have always been told it is worth it.  i have struggled the last few years, ok most of my life with having girlfriends.  "true" girlfriends who accept me for who i am with all my flaws, with all my true self.  i have learned that the "true" friends will always have your back in good and the bad times.  that they will be there no matter what.  i have learned myself that i want to give this as much as i receive it.  that there does come a time in your life where doing a cleanse is much needed.  it's hard, it's scary, and very painful.  i realise that if i am the only one constantly giving then maybe it's time to reevaluate and cleanse.  it truly saddens me.  it truly makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me.  why i am not "good enough" to be their friend or in their circle.  friendship is a constant struggle.  we are all changing, loving, struggling and suffering together in this life. just have to let go and move on so you both can continue to grow.

today as i remember my dear friend who past, i am also remember the lost of those friendships.  i am reflecting on my 39 years on this earth.  i am thinking of the friends i do have.  the many sisters of women who have touched and blessed my life throughout these years.  i am grateful for all of the relationships i have had with each and everyone of you.  though you are gone you will never be forgotten.  you have helped me become who i am and i thank you. 

may i continue to search for "true" friends who will be with me through the thick and the thin.  who will love me unconditionally.  who in return will receive a "true" friend in me always!


celebrate the
happiness that friends
are always giving.
make every day a
holiday and celebrate
just living!
~amanda bradley

thank you for being my friend and touching my life.  

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