Saturday, December 31, 2011

goodbye 2011

i still can't put my head around it that 2011 will be over in a matter of hours.  that 2012 will be here in no time.  all year i kept saying "this year seems to be flying by".  now as i look back on it, it really did.  a lot has happened in 2011 and i know much of what has happened i have not accepted.  there is much i learned and a lot i didn't take advantage of in 2011.  there are a lot of things i wish to forget.  there are many of things i will NEVER forget.  as the years keep coming {faster it feels like} i want to make wiser decisions on how to remember the years gone by.  i want to make each year more meaningful to me.  i want to cherish it more, love it more, nurture it, remember it, honor it and lay it to rest. 

i am going to start 2012 with a challenge.  i am going to choose ONE LITTLE WORD to live with for the entire year.  this concept was started and created by {ali edwards}.  you can read more about one little word {HERE}.  i have struggled to pick just the right word {this is very tough}.  i don't know if it's because it's my first time, because there are so many good words or just nerves.  i have been shuffling a few words around but this one keeps coming back to me.  i. don't. know. why.  i am trying not to allow other people's words to influence me in choosing my word.  after reading ali's statement of choosing a word..."This is not your mother's word or your spouse's word or your child's word - this is YOUR word" and how some words "choose YOU" i have finally decided. 

my one little word:

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

this word chose me.  it kept coming back to me.  i don't know why or how it will apply to me in 2012 but it's mY word.  as i embark on this new journey with one little word.  i hope you will join in as well. {HERE}  i am expecting 2012 to be an eventful and memorable year for me.  here are just some of the reasons why...
  •  i will turn the big 4-o
  • i will have been married for 2 years
  • i will have 2 children in their 2o's
  • i will be sharing in my little girl turning sweet 16
  • i will be watching my youngest son drive
  • i will be living my one little word
  • i will be setting some new goals
  • i will be remembering and cherishing each day
  • i will become healthier
  • i will fight my depression
  • i will run again
  • i will love deeper
  • i will fly
  • i will strengthen my friendships
  • i will cherish life
  • i will heal
  • i will take on new adventures
  • i will meet more of my extended family
  • i will listen
  • i will strengthen my marriage
  • i will learn
  • i will stand strong
  • i will allow more people in
  • i will walk with my head held high
  • i will smile more
  • i will live
  • i will be enough
  • i will be brave
  • i will make time for myself
  • i will remember...i AM a survivor
i am so blessed to be alive and learn from my past.  as i welcome 2012, i hope to live my life for me.  NOT for anyone else.  i hope to learn every day and make myself aware of that very moment.  all that it has, all that i can learn from, all that it will give me. 

i am thankful for YOU!  for you jumping in on my joyride of a journey.  for sharing with me, carrying me, teaching me and loving me.  i am blessed to have you in my life.  i am grateful to call you friend.

happy new year's eve.  may you have a safe & wonderful evening.  may 2012 become a great year!


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

repost of sticks & stones...

{12.14.09 this time it was
 one of my children getting hurt, not me}

**special warning**
before you read this please forgive me if i may hurt anyones feelings. that is not my intention at all! i write these words to let others know how harmful it is when you say bad things to others. as we teach others, our children and ourselves please remember names DO hurt as well as sticks and stones. if you choose not to read any further, i totally understand. it's not like i would know anyways. i just feel this is what i really need to get off my mind today.

"sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me."
i often wondered why it is that someone has to put someone else down to feel good about themselves. why they have to lash out, say bad names and curse.
is this to make them feel better?
is it so they can feel powerful?
is it because they know how the other person will feel?
is it to make a point?
i'm not sure at all why one would do this. all i know is when it happens to me, i have to remember...
what someone else says or thinks of me is none of MY business.
what they feel they need to do is only to make them feel good.
it's sad, it truly is.
you know bones heal, but names haunt you. they make you doubt yourself, wonder what you may have done to deserve the name calling, it makes you wonder the truthfulness of the calling.

i know that i am only accountable for me. that it is also my job to TEACH my children how hurtful this is. to teach them that it's NOT nice to call names, make fun of others or pick fights. it's truly sad when all of this comes from adults and they feel the need to put others down.
shame on YOU!!
what a poor excuse of an example you are. may you NEVER have someone knock you down or your children. as that would be the true sadness.
words DO hurt people!

Monday, December 19, 2011

traditions...lOvE them!

one of our family traditions is to have a bake day with oma {my mom}.  we seriously bake all day making cookies, candies and breads.  then when we are done we will make goodie plates for family, friends and our neighbors.  this is something we have been doing since my kids could walk.  oh to look back at all the pictures and the wonderful memories is just AWESOME!! 

this year we did all the baking at my house.  we also invited trevor & dallin's girlfriends {kyah & adeline}.  we got a late start on saturday and had a couple not so good turn outs but accomplished much.  yet, there were no frosted sugar cookies.  so on sunday we baked some more and MORE!!  i think i finished at about um, midnight!  i left the frosting of those remaining cookies for today.

we ended up making peppermint sugar cookies {thanks heather for the recipe and the cookies}, peanut blossoms, no bakes, frosted and decorated sugar cookies, niemen marcus cookies, carmel brownies {which didn't turn out}, chocolate peanut butter fudge, white candy, toffee and 12 loaves of banana bread!  we figured out we have about 18 plates to make up and deliver today.

i think what i loved and cherished most about this tradition and weekend was just being with my family!  teaching them, watching them, sharing with them, laughing with them and loving them.  spending the time with them for 2 whole days.  teenagers and young adults may i remind you!  i loved spending the time with my mom as well.  this was SO needed.  i think for the both of us!

this is a tradition that will NEVER get old for me.  i am so blessed my mom started it so many years ago.  i only hope i may carry this wonderful tradition on with my grandchildren as she has.  {ok, now i'm crying} 

i am truly blessed!  these past few months have had there ups and downs and i can honestly say...this weekend took that all away. 
this weekend showed me what is most important to me. 
this weekend filled my heart. 
this weekend made me laugh and cry.
this weekend i remembered those who left us way too soon.
this weekend taught me so much.
this weekend i loved deeply.
this weekend i gave much.
this weekend was really special to me. 
this weekend was AWESOME.
this weekend MEMORIES were made. 
this weekend will always be PRICELESS.

i hope you all have a fuN, fabulous weekend making memories with those you love.  i am blessed every day with so much.  i am grateful for all of my trials and tribulations as they have brought me right here.  to this very place.  to this very moment.  for that i am one truly happy, brave, strong, loving girl!

what family traditions do you LOVE?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

loving YOU

today i am filled with  loVe.

thanks for continuing to go along on this journey with me. 

i hope your day is filled with all the things you love and hold dear.

i hope to catch you all up as soon as life slows down, lol.

don't think that will happen anytime soon. 

so this is it for now...

know you are loved, yes YOU!!


Friday, November 18, 2011

missing my little brother

*please turn off my music playlist before watching this video*

i heard this song today and i broke down into tears.  while listening to the words i thought of my brother, jeremy.  i realized how much i love him and miss him.  thank you for serving our country little brother.  i know what a sacrifice it is to serve.  i know the choices you make are bettering you and your family.  you are such a hard worker and it shows.  you are always thinking of others and trying to make their lives easier.  know that i love you and i'm grateful for all the things you do to make this life a better place for all.

all. most. caught. up.

i have been journaling my attitudes of gratitude but have not gotten them up on my blog. 
gosh it's been really hard to catch up. 
i am doing it though!
it is one thing i feel strongly about. 
sometimes it's just the smallest simplest things you have or do that you should be grateful for.

today i realized i am truly grateful for the internet. 
it has blessed my life in more ways than i can count. 
i am grateful for my blog as well. 
i started it way back in 2007 as a {21 day challenge} i took from {rhonna farrer}. 
since then i have been blogging now for 4 years. 
i may not be faithful in doing it every day but i try. 
my blog is for mE. 
a place to write about my everyday doings,
what my kiddos and family are up to,
memories i want to share and keep,
my attitudes of gratitudes,
a quote or two,
a trial i may be going through,
a heartache i am dealing with,
a wish,
a prayer,
just the every day joy rides of my life! 

wishing you a fabulous day my friends. 
you are amaZing and thanks for blessing my life.


Sunday, November 13, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 13:

i am grateful for my circle of friends.

i am truly blessed to have good, true, REAL friends in my life. 

friends ~
...who lift me up when i fall.
...hold my hand when i am scared.
...that love me unconditionally.
...who don't judge me.
...who are good examples in my life.
...that are honest and don't lie to me.
...that pray for me.
...who constantly check on me.
...that laugh with me not at me.
...who cry with me.
...who shop with me.
...who believe in God.
...who uplift my soul.
...that listen to me.
...that know my inner secrets and don't share them with other.
...that give me wonderful advice.
...who live their truths.
...who make mistakes.

friends that know my heart & soul!

i know that YOU know who YOU are.  if not...i am telling YOU now. 
THANK YOU for being my friend.
YOU  brighten my life and leave footprints in my heart.

many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart
~eleanor roosevelt

day 13:  what are you grateful for tOdaY?

Saturday, November 12, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 12:

grateful for food that nourishes and heals my body.

tomato basil bisque soup & salad

ok, so maybe not the bread sticks but my meal was YUMMY!!  i am trying to still figure this whole food thing out.  baby steps.  i know that even the simplest thing can throw me into a serious headache and the shakes.  i am trying really hard to adjust to my hypoglycemic diagnose.  i am truly grateful i can still eat these wonderful foods, as many others can not.

day 12: what food are you grateful for? 

Friday, November 11, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 11:

today is veteran's day and oh how grateful i am. 

my attitude towards all veterans past and present is so overwhelming.  my heart is so full.  i have had many of my family members serve this great country of ours. thank you is not enough!  yet, the words must be said.  take time today {and every day} to salute them and tell them "thank you".  they really do allow us to live free and are so, so BRAVE!

my brother on leave 2010 with my boys

DAY 11:  PLEASE thank a vet today!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

atitude of gratitude

day 10:

today i am grateful for airplanes.  yes, i said airplanes!

isn't it amaZing how far we have come with our ways of transportation?  we can now get to places all over the world so much faster than horse and buggy, lol.  i have been blessed with having no fear of flying.  to me it is relaxing and pretty cool.  i have gone many places, seen many places and eNjoYed many people, family and friends just by walking onto a plane.  i am grateful for the many pilots as well who have devoted many hours of learning and flying to make me have no fear and eNjoY my little trips.

day 10:  what are you grateful for?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 9:

i am so grateful for {rhonda}.

rhonda has been doing my hair for about 10-11 years now. she knows me! she gets me! i went to cosmetology school and have no fear of change when it comes to my hair. i know i can go to rhonda and trust her to make me beautiful!  she is not only my friend, she has taken my family's pictures as well {great photographer}.  she is one great friend to have in my life!!  i love getting my hair done because as she washes it, you receive a mini neck rub.  seriously the BEST part!!  jk, but it is a wonderful relaxing rub to a great hair do.  i am blessed that you allow me to chat with you about my life and all the good {sometimes the not so good} that i deal with on a daily bases.  i guess i could say you are a great counselor too! 

thanks rhonda cook solomon for not only making me look good... but feel good as well.  i love you and i am so grateful to have you in my life.  YOU seriously make me smile.

day 9: what simple pleasure are you grateful for?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 8:

today i am very grateful for prayers.

i know they are heard.
i know they are answered.
i know that through prayers all things are possible.
i know that no matter what the answer may be, it is what God has in store for me at that time.
i know that through prayer we may help others, comforted others as well as ourselves.
i am thankful and truly grateful for the POWER of prayer.
i know that prayers have truly blessed my life.
i know that even though i don't feel like praying, God knows my heart.
i know i am very grateful today for God hearing and answering my prayers.

day 8:  how has prayer blessed your life?

Monday, November 7, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 7:


today was a long busy day.  i am grateful for the knowledge i have, as i learn patience.  it's not always easy to wait...

day 7:  what are you grateful for today?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 6:

i am grateful to give service.  i am truly blessed that i was taught to serve others.  not only are you helping others but you are helping yourself.  you are giving selfishly to someone who is asking for nothing in return.  i love the feeling i get when i am in service to others.

taking down wallpaper border

day 6:  what service have you done lately?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 5:

i am so very grateful for music.  for me, music touches my soul!  in my time of need, sadness or loss, my favorite times, happy ones, movie soundtracks, parties, cleaning the house, creating, weddings, retreats and so just gets me!

i know that music is something that i will always cherish.  no matter my mood {or the mood i'm trying to get into}, somehow, music will always just live right in my soul!

day 5: what are you grateful for today?

Friday, November 4, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 4:

grateful for a "new start", when i will try again. 

i had been off dr. pepper for 4 days and finally broke today.  tomorrow is a new day!  i will try again.

day 4: what new start are you grateful for?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 3:

grateful for the talks I get to share with my children. I love you austin, trevor, dallin & haleigh. {{hugs}}

{trevor.19, austin.20, dallin.16, haleigh.14}

i never know when these talks are going to talk place but i sure do love them.  sometimes it's when one of them have a bad day, and argument with a friend, bad day at school or late at night.  i always want to be aware of them and their need to talk.  i never say i'm too busy at that moment for it may never come again.  i always stay up as late as i need to for them.  i always end it with a huge hug and an i love you. 
these are the days i live for.  these are the moments i am grateful for.  the memories that i am making with them.  theses moments... i will treasure for a lifetime!
day 3:  what are you grateful for today?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 2:

today i am grateful for my "to do list".  why?  having things to do, things to accomplish is living!  today was truly full from start to finish.  i accomplished loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes, balanced my check book, paid bills, did my part time job run, made many needed phone calls, sent emails and visited my mom for over 2 hours.  there is probably many more things i did today but these are the ones i can remember at 11:45 pm, lol,

i live by a "to do list" and i am grateful to stay busy with many things to do.  though not too busy to let satan work his magic and get me stressed out. as my friend kristan once reminded me b.u.s,y standing for {being under satan's yoke} is not good.  it's not ok to keep adding things to a list that is totally unreachable.  it's not good to always say "yes" to everyone and everything.  it is a choice to do things that need to be done and that you want to do.  it's a choice each day to decide what YOU want to accomplish with your 24 hours.

day 2...what are you grateful for? 


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

attitude of gratitude

day 1:

grateful my mom is now in rehab and doing better!! what a blessing for me and my family to have her close to us. i'm so honored to be her daughter.

who are you grateful for today?


i'm never going to catch up...

i will never catch up on my blog posts for the past few weeks.  so i have decide to just start with today.  it's hard to believe that it is already NOVEMBER!  where has 2011 gone???  i feel like it should be spring not fall already. 

as you know last year i took the attitude of gratitude challenge for the month of november.  each day i will post {i will try my best} what i am grateful for that day.  it may me something really big in my life at that moment or something as simple as my favorite warm drink.  it's a simple challenge and i wondered if you would join in.  you can post your attitude of gratitude on your blog, facebook, in a journal, your website or just in your heart.  if you do post them please let me know the link as i would love to follow. 

this time of year i am reminded of all the things i am grateful for, big and small.  it's a time where i want to become better, do better, give more and appreciate more.  a time where i can feel love and give love.  it's a time to reflect on all that i am blessed with.  it also helps me journal more and document those day to day things that often get over looked and forgotten.   

so...will YOU join in?


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

"we all have a responsibility
to help ourselves
to whatever wisdom and
support comes our way,
and then,
most importantly,
to pass it on."
                     ~joan erikson

thank you mikal for all your wonderful words of wisdom last night.  i don't think "thank you" is enough for the almost 3 hours of wisdom, comfort, laughs and tears we shared! i am truly blessed to have you in my life.  i hope to share my wisdom with those in need as you have.  i love YOU mikal!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

the difficulties of life
are intended to make us better,
not bitter.
~author unknown

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


i know they are heard and i know they are answered.
i don't ask for these prayers for me.
i ask for my littlest little, haleigh.

for her surgeon.
for the nurses.
for all those that will be helping her through this surgery.
i know positive thinking brings positive results.
i know good vibes and thoughts are felt.
i know with all my heart she will be in good hands.
i am asking for all thoughts and prayers to be sent on her behalf.
it never hurts to have plenty.
many thank yous can never be enough.

Saturday, September 17, 2011


today it's beautiful outside.

today there is a slight breeze.

today i slept in.

today i am allow myself to veg.

today i feel alive.

today i am drinking dr. pepper.

today i am smiling.

today my to do list is tiny.

today my children amaZe me.

today my heart is full.

today i am in love.

today i am snuggling with my favorite red blanket.

today i love my life.

today there is no stress.

today is good.

today i am blessed.

today my phone is quiet.

today i am calm.

today my body is resting.

today i can hear my breath.

today i am watching food network.

today i am laying next to my husband.

today is my day.

today my heart is at peace.

today what brings you peace?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

these last couple of weeks have been so crazy busy that i have found no time for anything. i have been under a lot of stress and my entire house has been a wreck. the saying " when momma' ain't happy, then no one is happy" has been the theme in our home. there have been busy days, sad days, frustrating days, things that don't go right {all day} days and over all burnt out days. we had soccer tryouts, sports physicals, birthdays, school starting, 3 hour drive with 3 hour doctors appointments, dentist appointments, work for me {out side the home} a trip to flagstaff for school supplies and clothes, another 3 1/2 over night drive with a half a day doctors appointment, soccer cuts, ultra sounds, austin's first day at his new day program and the list could seriously go on...

my head, heart and eyes feel like they are about to explode. i know that god will never give us more than we can handle but it's really enough already. all of these things that happened and I MISS MY MOMMY!! {she's been gone for the last 5 weeks}
i know this too shall pass and that someone else out there always has it worse.  i just want a break for a bit so i can breathe.  one of the major things weighing on me is my littlest little will be having surgery soon.  please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  she has been through so much in her 14 years.

i just don't think she can take one more thing and neither can i.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

my quiet moments alone i do my reading.  sometimes that means my most favorite blogs.  other times it's a much needed book and then times it's the bible.  this morning i have been catching up on my blogs.  i am seriously speechless.  i am at awe at these amazing women.  i find comfort and strength in their words.  yet, i struggle with myself.

i have had the opportunity to have many different faiths in my life.  i have at times struggled with them all.  i would say the last 13 years or so have been a true struggle.  i have found it hard to be in one single faith.  i know i have a testimony of god.  i know i haven't been a faithful christan.  yet, god is still there.  waiting...

i read a few of my friends blogs that really touched me in one way or another.  through faithfulness, strength, learning, powerful prayer, desires of the heart and just being a good example of christianity.  you can check out their blogs here...{mikal}, {kristan}, {kolleen}, {jean}, {kelly}.

i have decided to put all religions aside and just get down to myself and god. this is very hard. it is truly the raw side of me that sometimes i don't want others to see. what i am learning from it, is that god WILL always be there. in my weakness, in my pain, sorrow, happy times, in my strength and all the other times as well. he is the one that will never leave my side. the one that will stay back and wait for me. the one who will love me unconditionally no matter what.  the one i need to put my heart and soul into.  the one that knows me best.  the one that i should be listening to.  the one that will never fail me.

i am striving to live my truth.  to live a life i am pleased with.  to live a life others may learn from and gain strength from.  to be an example of forgiveness, unconditional love and true christianity. 

i am enough and so are YOU!!

Friday, August 5, 2011

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it".

i am working really hard at being "ok" with me.  to be a better person.  to apologize when necessary.  to not think bad of others.  to accept others for who they are.  to love unconditionally.  i have always thought myself as a good, kind, caring, loving, forgiving person but sometimes the yuck thoughts creep in.  they are not always good and most of the time are not always truths. 

i would like to take this opportunity to apologize to many of you.  you may not even understand why i am apologizing.  though my heart tells me i need to do this.

i am sorry.

my heart is full of pain and hurt that sometimes i don't realize i put that onto others.  this is a fault of mine.  one i am working so hard on.  i hope in time you can forgive me.  i hope in time i may forgive myself so i can move forward and love myself unconditionally.  i know with prayer and god all things are possible.  through him, i will get through this.
much love to you all.
have a fabulous weekend.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet
 is fighting some kind of battle...
~author unknown

Monday, August 1, 2011

happy birthday dad!

happy birthday dad!
may your day be wonderful.
you are loved!

Monday, July 25, 2011

be still and's worth it!

as i sit here with the house all quiet i feel at peace.  why?  this last weekend is just what i needed.  i spent the entire weekend with my loves, all of them.  tom, austin, trevor, dallin, haleigh and our dog levi.  i even had an added bonus.  my son, dallin brought along his girlfriend adeline.  my heart was so happy.  i was at such peace!  have you had the feeling?  it is truly calming. truly!  no internet, no rv, no grill.  just us in a trailer, tents and a microwave.  i will admit the first night was absolutely awful. i got only one hour of sleep.  it was so cold and i did not prepare enough in bringing blankets as the trailer is just that...a trailer.  it was so cold that even levi slept right next to me and we were both shivering all night long.  however...the morning was interesting as well as i had not fully planned all the supplies i would need to "make" the meals.  i think all in all we did well and the food wasn't too bad either.  what i loved about this trip is there was no tv, no internet, no video games and really no distractions.  it was us in the forest riding quads, playing games and making s'mores.  we had such a good time that it really made me look at what i DO have.  what i am so GRATEFUL for.  what i am TRULY thankful for as well.  i think until you go camping and don't have your basic necessities of life, that you realize what you have and how blessed you truly are. 

on sunday morning everyone was sleeping and levi really had to go so i got up and let him out.  it was so quiet and peaceful outside.  no one was riding yet and it was still outside.  i sat there listening,  TRULY listening.  i haven't done that in a long time.  i pulled out my phone and got caught up on some of my blogs i just adore reading and really started to think.  it's so funny how sometimes you feel all alone yet you are not.  one of my blogs i read was of my brave girl mikal's blog.  her name is pronounced micheal, you can read her blog {HERE} her blog is so honest, so real.  i think that is why i enjoy reading it so much.  she had blogged a couple of post about finding her authentic self and i just smiled.  i too have been on that journey.  i think we all are at times.  she quoted an author who i too admire, joan anderson.  i have one of her books that helped me through a very difficult time in my life, my divorce.  something so personal and difficult for so many people, yet such a huge learning experience in my life.  as i flipped through the pages of her book "a weekend to change your life" find your authentic self after a lifetime of being all things to all people, i truly started to live.  i only wish i had found this author and book earlier. 

i am NOT perfect.  i may NEVER be in this lifetime.  this life is a test.  this life is meant to have good times and bad times.  this life is ours to live how we choose.  it's not always the best to try and live for others.  this life is HARD.  this life is not always fair but we get to choose how we live it. 

as women {and sometimes men} we wear many hats.  we are mothers, daughters, friends, sister, aunt, business women, a taxi service, team mom, pta board member, church calling holder, maid, chef, personal assistant and the list could go on.  we often find ourselves questioning who we REALLY are.  what are roles are.  what is our purpose.  we wonder if the path we chose is the correct one.  if the mistakes me made were worth it.  if the life we are living is to it's fullest. 

so sunday morning after i caught up on my blog i used my phone to download the bible.  i sat in the forest, with a slight breeze in a lawn chair, pj's, glasses and all and started to read.  i read for two full hours.  at different times the birds would sing, the wind would pick up, the sun would peak through the clouds and my heart would start pounding.  i wondered what it would of been like back in those days.  would i have even survived?  i have so many questions.  i just don't truly understand it all. 

after reading i wondered if i will ever have all the answers to the many questions i have?  will i ever find the TRUE me that i am looking for?  will i ever understand this test that i am being given?  will i pass?  will i ever believe that i am good enough JUST THE WAY THAT I AM??  who am i trying to impress?  does it really matter?  will i be forgiven by those that i have hurt or done wrong too?  will i ever truly forgive myself?  will i ever be happy with just being ME

this life is a TEST.  to prepare for a test you must study and learn.  there isn't always a right or wrong, but you always have a choice.  what you take from this test and what you share with others IS important.  what you choose to do IS your decision, not anyone else's.  we are all still learning.  we are all still trying to figure out who we are and what we want from this life.  some just take longer than others to figure it out.  then when you do, life gives you another test. 

what i am learning from this is, that i am NOT alone.  that i AM a good person.  that i will be learning until the day god brings me home.  that i need to start being ok with me because what others think of me isn't any of my business.  this is a process, we take one step forward and sometimes we fall backwards.  as long as we get up, dust ourselves off, put a smile on our faces and start over we ARE doing our best.  sometimes it's just a little harder. 

i am grateful for all these life lessons.  i am blessed to know that i am special.  that i am worth it.  that i AM ENOUGH.  no matter what others may say or think about my friend are soooo worth it too!  remember that you are not alone.  that some days you may stumble and feel hopeless.  you may feel that this life is not worth it.  i hope you will find that special place in your heart that allows you to find peace and pray for guidance.  you are so special just as you are.  this life isn't easy but it is sooooo worth it!!!


Friday, July 22, 2011

going, going, gone...

we are headed out of town for a camping/riding family, fun, dirty weekend. only wish I could find my camera. :( anywho, I hope you all have a happy weekend. take some "just because/random" photos for me of your weekend. leave me a comment and send me to your blog to view them. I will do my best by snapping some photos on my iPhone and share with you when I get back.

happy weekend my friends!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

oh me, oh my...

have you heard the news???

this fall we will have a wonderful new channel to watch online.  it is called my craft channel you can check out their blog {HERE}.  they have been announcing their hostesses for their show and it is one amaZing group of women.  it will be the show where you can learn from the best of the best.  from sewing, photography, mix media, diy and scrapbooking!!  i am so stinkin' excited i can't stand it!! 

not only am i excited to have a new wonderful show to watch this fall, 2 of my brave girl friends have been asked to be hostesses of their own segments, christy tomlinson and teresa collins.  i can not express to you how talented these two ladies are.  having been in their presence and to see their passion for their art is amaZing.  i know i will be watching, learning and playing right along with all of these great ladies.

happy friday my friends!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

lend a hand...

a picture i took with my iphone
 of a statue in my town

have you ever given a hand to someone in need?
has someone ever lent a hand to you?
it is such a small gesture, yet it could mean the world to someone.

today i was really feeling the need to connect with a friend. 
i thought what would put a smile on my face?
what could i do to put a smile on theirs.
i sent a simple text message.
what i received in return was more than i asked for.
you never know when lending a hand will mean so much.

take time to serve others with your two little hands. 
it could be...
making bread.
making a call.
saying thank you.
pick flowers.
waving hello.
sending a text.
making art.
pulling them out of the dark.
giving a hug.

god gave us two hands to use.
why not share them with the world.
in doing will find a friend or maybe even save a life.

what have you done with your hands for a friend lately?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

i will be missing in action for a week as i enjoy a little r & r. a utah road trip with my husband, full of laughter, beautiful nature, some family and friends, magazines, music and a camera. if i am inspired or have time i will try to post. happy sunday my blogging friends.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


today... has been an overall good day.

today i worked 9-5.
today there was tons of work.
today i went to lunch with my mom and our friend naoma for her birthday lunch.
today i went grocery shopping.
today i bought a friend some roses.
today i cooked a fast and yummy dinner for my husband and i.
today i ordered some amaZing scents from scentsy. {here}
today i read many inspirational blogs.
today i became a "follwer" on some great blogs.
today i listened to some great music.
today i was truly inspired by {kelly lish's} newest piece of art, "she knew".
today kelly and i had an awesome text chat!
today i watched the voice and had total goose-pimples.
today i had a wonderful text conversation with miss adeline.
today my oldest son's paperwork was approved.
today i am tired, yet feel alive.
today i am blessed.
today i felt very inspired.
today i told my husband i loved him many of times.
today i am grateful.
today i received a text from my third son who said he missed me.
today i caramelized an apple and poured it over some
french vanilla ice cream.
today i thanked my husband for doing some "honey-dos".
today i felt good about being mE.

how was your today my friends?

Friday, June 24, 2011

machines that save...

{mammogram machine}
the dreaded mammogram machine i was so lucky to have an appointment with on wednesday.  not only did i visit this machine i saw the ultrasound machine as well.  i hope to hear from the doctor sometime next week to find out what my results were. 

{ultrasound machine}

i am not sure what i was more afraid of...the machines or the many of doctors, techs and interns who examined my "ta-tas".  it didn't hurt as bad as i thought but i shall say it was very uncomfortable.  then when i was having an ultra sound they were pressing really hard and oh the pain was not good. 

i may not have enjoyed this visit to the hospital with these lovely machines but it was worth every penny of it.  if it can save me from pain and knowing all is well, it is worth it!  i am thankful for today's doctors and technology that allows us the chance to detect any medical problems before it gets to advanced.  i am also very happy to discover websites that allow us to donate to the cause.  this is one of my all time favorites sites {save the ta-tas}.

so until i hear from the doctor i am still crossing my fingers and praying that my ta-tas are ok.

just a friendly reminder:
please do your monthly self exam girls {and guys}.  save your ta-tas!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

every morning,
ask yourself not "what do i need to DO today?"
but "how do i need to BE today?" 
focus on how you can be YOUR authentic,
best self.
~shannon mcfayden

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

simple things...

yesterday i went to the oh so famous yearly doctor. can i just tell you...their scale is soooo wrong. then again, maybe not. it was the same as last year, so maybe it was just right. then last night i played co.ed softball. again.i didn't realize how truly out of shape i was until i had to run from 1st base to 3rd. let's just say it was tough to let go of the caboose. i am telling you this because with a doctor's appointment and a co.ed game i realized a couple of things.
1. i need to work out!
2. i'm glad i went to them both.

my doctors appointment is the usual yearly. this time it was a little different. my doctor is retiring and i have a little sadness. i mean, when you find someone you feel, should i say "comfortable" with ,you want them to be that doctor forever. he has done two remarkable surgeries for me. for that i am truly grateful. i realized that i will be 4-0 in 10 months and i am getting a mammogram now. kinda worried but then i guess i have always been the kind of person who wants to "know" if something is wrong instead of not knowing. after that we may have to do an ultra sound. so, i am keeping my fingers crossed and saying a few prayers that all is well with my girls.

at our co.ed game i was the 3rd oldest on the team. playing with a bunch of young-ens. even the other team we played was filled with all high schoolers. i kinda have to laugh at the thought that i AM getting older. i have always felt young, but in comparison to actual "youngsters" i am NOT as young as i thought. what i gain from playing is...

i am playing with my dad.
i am playing with my husband.
i am playing with my two boys.
i am playing to socialize.
i am playing for time.
i am playing for my health.
i am playing because i can.

i know i am not the best person on the team but to play with my two boys in a chance of a life time. PRICELESS!! i said all through practice to them...are you sure i won't embarrass you? are you sure you want to play with me? i think at times they just said yes so they wouldn't hurt my feeling. even though a couple of times they both did. what i have to keep reminding myself in THIS moment.

so i didn't get a home run.
so i didn't catch that ball.
so i didn't get to first base.
so i didn't take the walk.
so i didn't strike out.
so i didn't change pitchers.
so we didn't win.

i DID live in the moment!!

i did see the smiles on my boys' faces as they watched their girlfriends play.
i did see the kidding everyone was enjoying.
i did see my dad get hurt.
i did see our team struggle to regain our composure.
i did see excitement with our first home run of the season.
i did see some amaZing catches.
i did see all the fun everyone had.
i did see 3 generations all together.

i realize that i am NOT always living in the moment. that i am NOT always taking the time to see life as it is in front of me. sometimes i seem to be too busy to see what is really important. that it's time i really take care of my body. that it's time to stop living in the past and truly live in the present, the NOW. i know i am not perfect in many ways. at least i am doing my best, giving my best and learning along the way. may you stop and see what you may be missing in your life. that moment that you may never get back. i will keep trying to move forward. one foot in front of the other. somtimes just breathing. i don't want miss anyting. not even this very moment.

"eNjoY the little things,
for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things"
~robert brault

thank you for taking the time to read my blog. thank you for leaving me wonderful comments.
maybe i can help to remind you that this life...
is worth YOU living in it!!


Monday, June 13, 2011

today is four weeks.
28 days.
27 nights.
4 weekends.
4 mondays.
672 hours.

some of you may have noticed that I am no longer on facebook. many of you are just now finding out.

addiction: [uh-dik-shuh n]
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

i can honestly say i have been addicted to soap operas and soda. then again, I did break those habits.
what i didn't realize was how ADDICTED i was to facebook.
it truly consumed many hours of my day.
many hours of my life.
i WAS a facebook addict.

i signed up for facebook mainly for my family that is all over the united states and in a war zone. then my children signed up and i wanted to keep an eye on them. it also made me feel "in touch" with all of my "friends".

what i slowly saw was that the addiction was slowly killing me.  i know that may sound harsh but that is how i feel.  i felt as what i was reading was "life".  that the only way i could possibly feel like i was a friend to my many "friends" was to constantly post on their page or on their status.  to make sure i stopped in just to say "hi".  to make sure i was "up" with all of the happening.  i. knew. EVERYTHING.

so i thought.

i soon came to realize how facebook was killing me.
how i longed morning, afternoon and night for it.
how if i didn't "check" up on everyone i would be failing as a friend.
if i didn't let all of you in that you wouldn't care for me.
if i wasn't seeing what you were doing, where you were going and when you would be back i was useless.

then the depression kicked in.
the guilt.
the loneliness.
the sadness.
the anger.
the days and nights of tears.








i started to really think of these questions.  i FINALLY started to see my life as i knew it.  i kinda started to "feel".  i was tired of constantly crying.

i realized that ALL those hundreds of friends on facebook were really NOT my friends.  that this social networking was NOT what i wanted or needed in my life.  that i WASN'T strong enough to not allow what was being posted to affect my life.

hi, i am connie jo capron and i am addicted to facebook.
on may 16, 2011 i deleted my account.

why am i sharing this you may ask?  many of reasons i guess.
to allow myself to cry.
to allow myself to hurt.
to allow myself to understand.
to allow myself to know i was not alone.
to allow myself some peace in my life.
to allow myself to find my "true" friends.
to allow myself time to figure out what is most important in life.
to allow myself to breathe.

i struggle with "true" friendships. 
i struggle with validation of my time, talent and myself. 
i struggle to be liked. 
i struggle to "fit" in. 
i struggle with asking.
i struggle with feeling loved and wanted.
i struggle with life.

these last 28 days have been very hard for me.  i have been learning.  i have been slowly taking time to listen but i know i am not there yet.  i am not sure when or if i will return to the facebook world.  i think for me, my family and my is too hurtful. 

i am working on becoming the me that i need to be. 
that me i want to be. 
the one me...
connie jo capron.

miss invisible
There's a girl
That sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles there is something she's hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
But just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy, when inside she just wants to cry
and she'll say...

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of  Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name

The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she will close her eyes when they left her she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to what she is now
And she'll sing...

Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and  maybe then you will see why she waits for the day when you´ll ask her her name 

Then one day just the same as the last
Just a day spent counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...
~ marie digby

"for it is surely a lifetime work, this learning to be a women."
 ~ may sarton

Friday, June 10, 2011

wallow fire

{in my back yard}

i took this picture sunday morning from my back yard.  the reddish cloud is the smoke from the wallow fire.  the fire is a little over an hours drive from my home. 

{wednesday early evening from my mom's}

all the grey you see above the landscape is smoke from the fire. 
it is so scary!

my heart is very heavy!  these pictures remind me of the rodeo chediski fire back in 2002.  seeing all the ash fall and having so much loss is too close to home for me.  many of my friends have been evacuated.  some may not have a home to return to.  this fire is just a small reminder of the importance of life.  the importance of making, keeping and sharing your life and memories with those that mean the most to you.  that "things" don't mean anything without family. 

to all of my blogging friend out there in cyber space whether you are religious, spiritual or not please take a moment to say a little prayer.

pray for all the firefighters.
pray for the the many people supporting and helping out in this terrible fire.
pray for all of those who are evacuated.
pray for their homes.
pray for all of the animals.
pray for these small communities.
pray for RAIN!

i am safe.
i am grateful for my home.
i am grateful for my family.
i am grateful for my life.
i am safe.

here are the statistics of this tragic fire near where i call home.

as of this morning the Wallow Fire has burned 408,887 acres.
640 sq miles
5% contained

take time today to be grateful for what you have. 
what you love.
who you care for. 
have a wonderful weekend my friends.


Thursday, June 2, 2011


today someone died.
it might of been a close friend or someone unknown.
you take friends for fun and games
not knowing that one day that friend will be gone.
then you realize how dear it was, the closeness,
the tears, the laughter, and those warm hugs of comfort.
today i want to tell you thank you for everything.
i know how dear your friendship was, i feel the closeness now,
i have those tears and i can still hear the laughter.
i'm sorry i can't feel your comfort anymore.
i'm sorry i waited to tell you thanks.

today i am remembering a loved one that i lost.  please don't wait to tell those you love, those that touch your very soul how much they mean to you.  as i wrote the words above many, many years ago they ring so deep today.  i am very grateful for those that are in my life today. 

i have had to make some very tough decisions lately and i know in the end my life will be better because of mY choices.  it's not easy to do a life cleanse but i have always been told it is worth it.  i have struggled the last few years, ok most of my life with having girlfriends.  "true" girlfriends who accept me for who i am with all my flaws, with all my true self.  i have learned that the "true" friends will always have your back in good and the bad times.  that they will be there no matter what.  i have learned myself that i want to give this as much as i receive it.  that there does come a time in your life where doing a cleanse is much needed.  it's hard, it's scary, and very painful.  i realise that if i am the only one constantly giving then maybe it's time to reevaluate and cleanse.  it truly saddens me.  it truly makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me.  why i am not "good enough" to be their friend or in their circle.  friendship is a constant struggle.  we are all changing, loving, struggling and suffering together in this life. just have to let go and move on so you both can continue to grow.

today as i remember my dear friend who past, i am also remember the lost of those friendships.  i am reflecting on my 39 years on this earth.  i am thinking of the friends i do have.  the many sisters of women who have touched and blessed my life throughout these years.  i am grateful for all of the relationships i have had with each and everyone of you.  though you are gone you will never be forgotten.  you have helped me become who i am and i thank you. 

may i continue to search for "true" friends who will be with me through the thick and the thin.  who will love me unconditionally.  who in return will receive a "true" friend in me always!


celebrate the
happiness that friends
are always giving.
make every day a
holiday and celebrate
just living!
~amanda bradley

thank you for being my friend and touching my life.