Monday, December 8, 2008

{one daY}

this weekend has been an eye opener for me. so many things, so many emotions, so many friends and some that have been gone for too long. i miss those friends and really wish they were here. i was introduced to lady antebellum's cd by a new friend of mine rachel. i knew a few of their songs but this cd is amaZing! i think every song i listen to i related with. i was moved to tears, laughter, dancing & singing. this song i have on my playlist is where i daY i know i won't feel like i am always going backwards. that there is sun shining!!! that there is true peace out there for me. i know no one can change how my moods are but me. i know many of you have tried really hard this weekend. i can not tell you enough how thankful i am to have you in my life now. to remind me of my blessings, that there is always someone out there worse off than me, that it will get better, that i DO deserve happiness. it is just a really bad time for me. it's been a tough doesn't make it any easier. a lot of memories with christmas aren't the same this year. i know i need to be a happy girl/mom for my kids but, it's hard. i struggle daily, YES DAILY to have strength. to wake up each morning and start a new day. i am tired of no jobs, tired of no money, tired of what could of been and wondering what could be. i know that everything that breaks me only makes me stronger but, i wanna be weak. i want life to stop for just a moment so i can catch my breath and regroup. today was a great day to do this. i spent the day with my kids watching movies, football and napping here and there. i realized again that it's the small things that truly count. the moments that aren't planned, unscripted in life. the little things that make you smile. the looks that make you laugh, and the hugs and i love you that make you cry. pondering that i don't have many more years until all my kiddos are gone. that they will no longer need me. that they will start their new i ready? NO!!! i totally enjoyed those baby years. i can't get them back but, i try and remember them often. it's tough...not being with my kids all the time. so when i am with them...they are all that matter. i love to feel wanted and needed by them. i love that they can come to me and know that i am here for them. i am blessed...ok i know that {one daY} it will get better. i guess today just isn't the day.


Kaelene said...

I am sorry that you are having a hard time, right now. Always remember that you are a daughter of God! He wants you to be happy!
Sometimes that is the ONLY thought that helps me make it through the rough spots.
Take care

Michelle from Texas said...

Connie, I don't know your story, but I sometimes feel this season is SO HARD!! Ten years ago, My best friend was killed. We got the call as I was decorating the Christmas tree. That was about the hardest time ever. For about six months it was so hard to just get out of bed, because Cindy was like a sister, and we had been through a lot together. But it DOES get better! While I questioned God every day, I always knew He was with me. With Him, and with the love of other friends and my dear family, I came out the other side so much stronger. This year, on the 10th anniversary, I can look back with thanks for the time we had together and the gifts she blessed me with. I also have learned every time things look their bleakest, that's when God is at His strongest. He has used those times to help me grow spiritually and emotionally. Just know you are in the prayers of us "out here", and when things are dark, you are NOT alone! Luv Ya!

Rachel Ann said...

You are amazing!!!!

Many, many, many blessings to you and your family...I love the picture of you and your kiddos.

libbym said...

What an awesome looking group!
Hang in there! It will get better!
Merry Christmas!!